“24” Comes to Fatehpur

Tomorrow, I’ll post a recap of the trip so far. It’s worth reading, trust me. It’s been an amazing story already. However, I know what people want; they want sensationalism over substance. They want the provocative stuff first…then they’ll read the content. So, in an effort to pander to our base natures, let me tell my horror story first. But promise me, after you finish cringing, that you’ll read the rest of the story tomorrow. It gets better.
Folks who have watched the TV show “24” know that it’s famous for the fast pace, the high energy…and Jack Bauer extracting information in painful ways every twenty minutes. Yes, torture never had it so good as it does on “24.” But, here in the village of Fatehpur, India, Mike Vayda created a scene that even Jack himself hasn’t experienced.
Before I tell the story, let me say in my defense that, first, this happened after waking up from the journey I just laid out in detail. I was, in a word, really tired. Second, I was really tired. And third, this worked the last time I was in a Third World country, so I honestly thought it would work the same way here. With all that being said, let’s talk about Lesson Number One that I learned here in India. It goes like this:
I wanted to take a shower. There is no hot water available here. You have to heat it yourself. (can you see where this is going yet? Hang on, it gets good.) The bathroom is all tile; essentially, the room is a shower. There is a bucket that you fill up from the tap, and pour over you to wash. Heidi had already washed her hair, so the floor was wet. There is also a heating coil that you can use to heat the water if you like. It’s hard to describe this heating coil. It’s about eighteen inches long, with a handle. The rest of it is a metal rod attached to a cord that you plug into the wall. You put it into the water, plug it in, and in a while, it heats the water.
Now, we had one of these in Kazakhstan. (heck, we had one of these in Mahaffey camp in Pennsylvania.) Although they look dangerous, you just need to be careful. I thought back to Kazakhstan and remembered how I used it there.
So, I placed it into the water, plugged it in, and waited (cue scary music.) After a minute or so, I decided to check the water to see if it was working. Now, OF COURSE I know better than to touch the actual heating coil! So, eying the coil carefully, I reached toward to water to feel the temperature.

(NOW. Let’s leave Mike there for a moment, shall we? Perched at the edge of life as he knows it. What Mike DOESN’T know is that what he is about to do is completely safe in Kazakhstan, but not so in India. Mike doesn’t yet know that there is no such thing as “grounding” in India. In fact, there is no word for “safe electricity” in Hindi, or any of the other two dozen languages in the subcontinent. You see folks, in India, when Mike sticks his fingers into a bucket of water that contains live electricity—UNGROUNDED electricity—Mike himself becomes the grounding. In a miracle of conductivity, it seems that the electricity will actually go through Mike to find it’s way to the wet floor beneath him. And Mike will never think of electricity the same way again.)

It all happened very quickly, I’m sure. Probably less than a second. But I had the time to think a few things as my hand touched that water. Even now, my left hand tingles a bit as I think about it. It wasn’t a sharp, stabbing pain that ran up my arm and into my body; it was just—so-dang-jarring. I had time to think, I’ve got to get my hand out of there. I have to pull it out or this pain will never stop. I had time to think about, in a very vague way, about those cartoons. You know, the ones you are thinking about right now—only it’s Mike’s face and not Bugs Bunny’s? Yes, I actually thought of that. I thought that this was kinda funny, but it wasn’t. It really, really wasn’t.
Then, I was on the floor. My right side was hurting so badly, that I thought perhaps I had shocked it somehow. Water was spraying onto me, and my back hurt. Apparently, (at the risk of sounding dramatic) what happened was that I either jumped back or was thrown back against the wall, and then fell to the floor, because my back had hit the faucets on the wall and bent them, so that water was now spraying from the wall  behind the faucets. I kid you not. The coil from hell was lying on the floor, pulled completely out of the plug; the plug housing was still in the outlet.
In my mind, I had yelled very loudly, but apparently not out loud. I jumped up, trying to grasp what had just happened. Heidi came in, and I expected her to rush to my side and offer comfort and tears. However, she didn’t even know what happened, and instead, she ran to the faucet to try and stop the water. That’s right folks; I almost die, and my wife runs to the faucet. Story of my life.  :)
It took me a few minutes to try to grasp what happened before I could begin to explain it to her. I then used COLD water to wash my hair and called it good. How am I feeling now? Well, I’m sitting down very gingerly. I slept on one side last night. And I’m thinking twice every time I reach for a switch of any kind.
But I’m fine. MOM, I’M FINE.
Let’s just pray that the rest of the lessons learned here aren’t quite as...powerful?

Comments

[Karen Goslin]

Mike, you know how to start off a person's morning (sorry, with a laugh, even though I know for your it was not funny) and to get your experience in India off with a bang. Let's hope this is the worst of anything to happen on the trip. I am thankful you were not seriously hurt, except maybe your pride. We continue to keep you in our prayers! Hi to Mom and Dad -- dinner at "Susan's" tonight with Betty and David (gee that was hard to schedule)!

[Sarah McNelly]

Mike! I am thinking you better leave the water heating to Heidi since she was successful at it!! OR i guess a cold "shower" for you for 2 weeks!! You are better then cable TV! thanks for story!
Sarah

[Donna]

Hi everyone I'm still kicking and not starving quite yet. The people are very nice. The nurses here do the deliveries and the doctor comes for emergencies. You should see what they have to work with, they are truly amazing. I took lots of pictures but the internet is so slow that we are having a hard time putting them on the site.
You should see the traffic, it's like utter confusion. I don't know how people get from one place to another with out getting in an accident. Well talk to you all soon. Love Donna

[Mike Miclon]

I forwarded your story to Fox and they think they can use it. They are asking if you would be willing to be a stand in since you have prior experience. I said you'd love to.

Well I have to go take a hot shower. Check in with you later. Mike

[Alex Warren]

only a week and a half before you all come home. It has been a fun couple days. I just read the 24 comes to Faterhpur. It sounded really funny. Hope to hear from you some time.

[Andrea Tedesco]

Mike,
You are a hoot!!!! Thanks for the giggles and cackles. I love any chance to laugh. I do hope all is ok with your injured side. May God cause expedient healing. Tell Joanne that we love and miss her. Maxi & Mudge say hello as well (he, he). We are praying for you all each day. GO AND GIVE THEM JESUS!

[Alex Warren]

Dad just wanted to tell mom that he miss the best friend he ever had. So I just read niks and meg comment. They are just so funny.

[Debbie Hinely]

Mike, you certainly know how to kick off a trip!

I thank God that you survived. It takes a humble person to tell this story. It's pretty obvious that your brain and humor wasn't affected ... or has it? ;-)

It seems Jamie's on an Indian Reservation in Lansing, MI, w/o internet access, but I'll be sure to tell him to check your site when I talk to him tomorrow, and he's back in civilization.

Say "hi" to Heidi for me. Love to all.

bye4now...

[Barbara Bisson]

Hi Donna Glad to hear your OK We love you Mon & Dad